Driving Me Crazy

by Roger Defoe

I have an appointment to be checked for Alzheimer's.  We don't think I've got it, but "Whose nose?" as we say at our house.

It came about this way.  Yesterday I went to the auto junkyard to get a fourth wheel cover, having lost one from my beautiful, 15-year-old car.  There, for a mere $16-plus-tax I got four Oldsmobile covers, of steel (worth $125 each when new), not like my cheap but long-lasting plastic ones. I rejoiced and asked another customer if he would be so kind as to put them on the car, which he was pleased to do.  When I asked, what can I pay you, he said, "Nothing."  I thanked him and said I'd say a prayer for him.  He replied, "That's fine 'cause Jesus is my personal Savior!"  I left my three old wheel covers in the junkyard and said the prayer on the way home.

Having reached home I noticed that I had only two Oldsmobile wheel covers on the car.  Next day I drove back, hung my cane on the driver's sideview mirror and tried one of four Chrysler covers at the junkyard, but it didn't fit. Observing that my old wheel covers still lay where I had dropped them, I went to the office and explained my predicament.  The $1 charge for entering the lot was waived and there was no charge for my taking the three previously abandoned covers.

Arriving home, I looked for my cane in the car but it was not there.  I decided not to mention this loss to my wife Shirley nor to go at once back to the junkyard.  Rather, I would wait to see if someone, finding the cane with my name, address, and telephone number on it, would contact me.  Sure enough, a few minutes ago a man named Tupy who had removed a stump from our grounds arrived.  Shirley called me upstairs, and there he was with my cane.  He refused compensation and recognized he had been here before.  I did not offer to pray for him. Shirley thinks my forgetfulness may have become excessive.  What do you think?

Soon After.

My daughter Thea called to say I could pick up a few of her chocolate chip black walnut cookies. So I drove over to her place, planning to show her that on the driver's side of the car I had two Oldsmobile wheel covers and on the passenger side I had two cheap but durable old plastic covers. (After all, you can see only one side of a car at a time.)

After telling her of my adventure in the junkyard, I invited her to see the newly arranged wheel covers. Unfortunately, on the way to her house I had lost the two front wheel covers. She laughed and said that this 15-year-old car was a disgrace and she thought the only reason I was avoiding buying a new car is that I was afraid I could not manage all the buttons, displays, and electronic functions that decorate a new car. I replied that I loved this car, the best I had ever owned. I warned her not to disparage the wagon within earshot. I wonder now if the reason she said I couldn't handle a new car was because she thought I had Alzheimer's, since I later learned that it was she who had suggested I be tested.

I am scheduled to be tested on June 21. Upon returning home I found that I had no wheel covers on the car.  They had all fallen off.  Tomorrow I'm going to a different auto junkyard.

An-n-n-d ...

Today, May 31, I drove to StateWide Auto Parts on route 212 north of Shakopee. There I beheld a sea of wheel covers that, if laid end-to-end, would reach from faith to despair. I was on my own and, rummaging around with no help from the otherwise friendly manager, I discovered four plastic wheel covers tht seemed to fit. I paid my $20-plus-tax and drove off. Back in my hometown, I stopped at a gasoline station to put air in the front tires. I was pleased to see I still had all four covers. I needed air in the right front tire so I removed the wheel cover--the air valve is not easily accessed--further inflated the tire and tried to put the cover back on. I was observed by another motorist who saw my failure to get the cover back on after repeated attempts. He wore the costume of a garage mechanic and offered to help me. Once again, like Blanche, I relied on the assistance of a stranger and his skill did the trick. He refused compensation, showing his "Minnesota Nice," and although I thanked him I did not offer him a prayer.

An-n-n-d!

Here is the latest addendum, an astounding tale! Is this the end to the saga?  Will I lose more wheel covers?  Will I pass the Alzheimer's test?

June 1.  A new month, a new surprise.

As I drove into my driveway after errands, I looked to my left and there, not a dozen feet into the lawn, was one of my old wheel covers!  I picked it up, checked the wheels of the car and confirmed that I still had all four covers still on the vehicle.  I was satisfied if nearly incredulous.  The driveway has no appreciable bumps and, anyway, I cannot drive fast enough on the driveway to jar loose a wheel cover. For those who have kept track of the comings and goings of the wheel covers, here is the accounting: I now have a reserve of two old covers as backup to the four still clinging, however precariously, to the wheels.

Amazing grace!

Copyright © Roger Defoe 2003